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HeadGarbage's Mission Statement

This site exists for one sole reason. Some may say it's a waste of time and/or a poor attempt at stupid humor. That's fine. But way too many people are so miserable and I refuse to be one of them. These are things that I think about and I think are funny. These are things that make me laugh. I hope some of it makes you laugh too. Life is way too short to walk around being pissed off all the time. If you can’t laugh at some of the stupid and ridiculous stuff that exists in this world, what’s the point?! I hope the content of this site, which stems from the ridiculousness of the world we're in, can help in some small way to help take the edge off an otherwise stressful life. As a wise man once said,"We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time!" I think that was Gandhi? Live, LAUGH, Love...And enjoy your daily dose of HeadGarbage. Come back often and tell your friends so that HG can grow big and strong!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Serial Researcher

I don't like it when people blow things out of proportion.  I also don't like it when people over-react, which is just like blowing something out of proportion.  Like for about six months, I was doing some research on this girl I was interested in who I didn't know, but had seen at a bar and thought was cute.  So I followed her home at about 2AM one night to do some research on where she lived.  Then about three days a week for the next month or so I would research her from the bushes outside her house with binoculars, trying to research what she did with her spare time and researching what she liked to watch on TV.  About six weeks later I saw her again at the bar I originally saw her at and worked up the courage to talk to her, but guess what, I wasn't even nervous.  Because I had plenty to talk to her about because of all the valuable research I had done.  Time well spent.  So after talking to her for about ten minutes, she was like, "get the hell away from me you creepster", which was a total surprise to me considering I felt like I had prepared myself so well with all of my research.  So refusing to give up on her, because I knew love isn't easy and you can't hurry it, or so I'm told by Diana Ross, I decided to follow her around and show up to as many places as I could that she was at.  So one day I was doing some research on her at her job and all her co-workers were like, who's that guys in the corner with the clipboard and no pants, and I was like "I'm a researcher!  Don't talk about me like I'm not here.  Just because I'm hiding behind this bush doesn't mean I can't hear you!"  Jesus!  People are so insensitive.  They just don't understand research or have any respect for science.  Then a few months after I had met her I was stopped by a cop around dusk when I was waiting outside her apartment for her to get home so I could put some finishing touches on my research.  The cop told me that there was some sort of "restraint" on my research and that I had to stay 500 feet away from her when doing my research or I'd be arrested.  Unbelievable!  A guy can't even do a little research without getting hastled by the 5-0.  Bullshit.  Anyway, long story short, I finished my research.  Jail isn't as bad as they say it is, and it's a quiet place to write.


  1. that could be the creepiest thing i have ever read