I Guess I Don't Have It So Bad...

I recently had a bad day at work and thought, “I have the worst job in the world!”.  Then I read an article that featured a study that said that 52% of people who eat asparagus have smelly pee.  At that point I realized that my job isn’t that bad.  Because somebody had to sniff all that pee to get that data.

I Wouldn't Recommend It

A "Watch Children" sign is bad advice for sex offenders.

NOT Good Morning!

I want to invent an alarm clock that goes off normally for the time you set it.  But each time the alarm goes off after you hit snooze, it sprays an increasingly potent synthetic fart smell until you wake up.

It's Kind of the Same

Falling is like laying down.  Only more painful and in a completely unexpected location.