It's a chart, so it must be fact.

*Figures based on scientific data

Is That Even Possible?

My goldfish died and the coroner's autopsy said the cause was dehydration.  I'm seeking a second opinion. 

What is this half of?

Half-and-Half has never really been clear about what it's half and half of.

I'm Gonna Watch a Little TV

"I'm Gonna Watch a Little TV"

Sometimes we use "size" terms to describe what we mean in "time" units.  To the literal observer, this can be confusing.

Breaking the Law. What a Rush!

The man is always trying to keep us down...I'm just trying to live.

Butter Flies

*Not quite as majestic as the traditional version.

Sometimes You Need to Clarify Your Question.

Look at that Berg!

Are icebergs all Jewish?

Bad Dresser!

The Market's Just Not There

I  bet it's tough to be a corduroy pants salesman in Ecuador. 

Your Doors are too SLOW!!!

When I'm going into a store, I like to run as fast as I can at the automatic doors.  Then I go and complain to the manager.

It's Not Really ALL Good...

Sometimes people use generic terms that they don't really mean without really thinking.  Like, "It's all good".  Is it really ALL good?  This is usually used as a reply to someone who is giving you bad news so you don't feel bad.

Friend:  "Hey man, I accidentally set your car on fire."  

You :  "It's all good"  

Friend:  "Really?"

You:  "No."

Identity Complex

A half-bathroom doesn't contain a bath and is therefore inappropriately named. It should be called a sink-toilet room.

Thanks for the Gas!

Depending on the gift, this "Thank You" could be either sincere or extremely sarcastic...

SideWALK

I was running down the sidewalk the other day and I ran into a woman who was standing on the sidewalk.We both fell to the ground and when we got up, we looked at each other, both ready to blame the other.  Then we thought about the purpose of the premises and realized we were both wrong...

A Bunch of Boxes

When you really stop and think about it, life is really just a bunch of boxes...

It Sounds Similar...But It's Very Different

*Not the same

Nothing to Joke About

You think high-fiving is fun?  It's not.  It's dangerous!

Employees Only

I was walking around town the other day and had a sudden, extreme urge to use the bathroom.  I went into a convenience store and asked to use the bathroom and was told it was for employees only, so I asked for an application.

Wait...What's a Piece of Cake?

If you're a college professor out at a restaurant, and you're having dessert, and you are approached by one of your students who ask you, "Excuse me professor, is the exam tomorrow difficult?" and before you can reply, she also points at your plate and asks, "Oh, that looks good, what is that you're eating?" you have the potential to answer both questions with one response.