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HeadGarbage's Mission Statement

This site exists for one sole reason. Some may say it's a waste of time and/or a poor attempt at stupid humor. That's fine. But way too many people are so miserable and I refuse to be one of them. These are things that I think about and I think are funny. These are things that make me laugh. I hope some of it makes you laugh too. Life is way too short to walk around being pissed off all the time. If you can’t laugh at some of the stupid and ridiculous stuff that exists in this world, what’s the point?! I hope the content of this site, which stems from the ridiculousness of the world we're in, can help in some small way to help take the edge off an otherwise stressful life. As a wise man once said,"We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time!" I think that was Gandhi? Live, LAUGH, Love...And enjoy your daily dose of HeadGarbage. Come back often and tell your friends so that HG can grow big and strong!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Careless Office Worker

* Her hopeful (hilarious) reaction

If you're at a bar talking to a girl and you realize you're not really attracted to her, try this out for some personal entertainment.

(Note that this scenario works best in a crowded bar with really loud music, and if timed correctly has the potential to be a story that dozens of people in that establishment will never forget).

Direct the conversation to her occupation. She'll most likely bite because it gives her an opportunity to talk about herself.  Unless she's completely self-centered, at some point, she should reciprocate by asking you about what you do for a living.  Here's where you change her life.  Your response to this question should be something to the effect of,

"Well I used to be a legal assistant but I'm not working right now, I'm on worker's comp."

Assuming she's not retarded and knows what workers comp is, she should inquire,

"Oh, what happened?"

Here's where you have the opportunity to really wow the audience. As stated earlier, if the music is especially loud and you are familiar with the song being played, try to time your response when there is a break in tthe loud music and boisterously reply,

"I got my penis stuck in the paper shredder!"

There's a good chance this will end the conversation. Now you can go home and laugh to yourself.  You'll also need to look for a new bar to start patronizing.

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