* Her hopeful (hilarious) reaction
(Note that this scenario works best in a crowded bar with really loud music, and if timed correctly has the potential to be a story that dozens of people in that establishment will never forget).
Direct the conversation to her occupation. She'll most likely bite because it gives her an opportunity to talk about herself. Unless she's completely self-centered, at some point, she should reciprocate by asking you about what you do for a living. Here's where you change her life. Your response to this question should be something to the effect of,
"Well I used to be a legal assistant but I'm not working right now, I'm on worker's comp."
Assuming she's not retarded and knows what workers comp is, she should inquire,
Here's where you have the opportunity to really wow the audience. As stated earlier, if the music is especially loud and you are familiar with the song being played, try to time your response when there is a break in tthe loud music and boisterously reply,
"I got my penis stuck in the paper shredder!"
There's a good chance this will end the conversation. Now you can go home and laugh to yourself. You'll also need to look for a new bar to start patronizing.
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