Oh Genny, you're dumb.

A buddy of mine was dating this girl a while ago who was stupid as shit. I say “was” because they don’t date any more, but I’m certain wherever she is today, she’s still a moron. I know what you may be thinking, “that’s not a nice thing to say about her”. But don’t worry, it’s ok to call her stupid, because she was a fucking bitch! For this story and the sake of her anonymity I’ll refer to her as Genny so as not to out her as a dumb-ass.

One day I was out with my buddy and Genny and a couple other female friends of ours and Genny started going on and on about her new phone to the other girls, about how much she loved it and how “cool” it was and how it was so much fun to use. It’s somewhat hard to explain the severity of how annoying it was in the written word, but imagine the biggest idiot you can, talking pretty much as loud as humanly possibly in a stereotypical Valley Girl voice. Genny’s going on and on like,

“Oh my God, I LOVE my new phone, it’s so cool and fun and I love texting with the touch screen keyboard! I can text like, ten times faster than I could with my old phone!” (Which made me feel bad for the people she was texting because it meant that she was able to annoy the shit out of them ten times faster than before.) So as we walked, Genny continued to go on and on about how she capital L.O.V.E.D. her new phone!

I decided that I would take my aggression our indirectly on Genny and see just how stupid she actually was in the meantime. A few days later when I was over at the same friend’s house, Genny came by. When she left the room to use the bathroom (most likely to take a giant dump) I grabbed Genny’s phone and added my phone number as one of her contacts. But instead of my name, I put in “Your New Phone” as the contact name. When Genny returned from the bathroom, I excused myself, pretending I had to make a phone call, and went to the next room positioning myself where I still had a view of Genny’s. From here, I texted her new phone.

“Dear Genny, I fucking hate you!” Which, on her phone’s screen read, “Dear Genny, I fucking hate you!” From: Your New Phone.

A few seconds later Genny saw the text. It took a few seconds to sink in that perhaps her phone wasn’t quite as fond of her as she was of it, and she began to cry. And I laughed and laughed and laughed.