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HeadGarbage's Mission Statement

This site exists for one sole reason. Some may say it's a waste of time and/or a poor attempt at stupid humor. That's fine. But way too many people are so miserable and I refuse to be one of them. These are things that I think about and I think are funny. These are things that make me laugh. I hope some of it makes you laugh too. Life is way too short to walk around being pissed off all the time. If you can’t laugh at some of the stupid and ridiculous stuff that exists in this world, what’s the point?! I hope the content of this site, which stems from the ridiculousness of the world we're in, can help in some small way to help take the edge off an otherwise stressful life. As a wise man once said,"We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time!" I think that was Gandhi? Live, LAUGH, Love...And enjoy your daily dose of HeadGarbage. Come back often and tell your friends so that HG can grow big and strong!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Presumptuous Appliances

If there's one thing I hate, it's the way my pee smells after I eat asparagus.  If there's two things I hate it's presumptuous appliances.  If I see a fat lady, I don't go up to her and say, "hey when's the baby due?"  Why?  Because I'm not an asshole!

The other day I was heating up some water in a mug in the microwave to make some instant coffee.  I sometimes drink instant coffee because I enjoy the finer things in life.  I heated the water up for 1 minute and 30 seconds.  When it was done, the microwave beeped and the digital screen read, "Your Food Is Ready".  That made me incredibly angry!  Why would this microwave just assume that I was heating up some food?  Am I so one dimensional that the only thing I use a microware for is for heating up food?  Screw that microwave!  Presuming son of a bitch!  I beat the shit out of it with a baseball bat to teach it a lesson, only to later realize that my delicious instant coffee was still inside, spilled everywhere.  When I was finished crying, I heated up some water on the stovetop and made another cup.  Thank goodness for that, otherwise my rage might have gotten the best of me, forcing me to generalize my anger and kick the shit out of every appliance in the house.  Thanks a lot microwave!  Maybe next time you shouldn't just go around assuming you know what's inside you, asshole!

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