"TP"

The other day I wrote down "TP" on a grocery list, and when I got to the grocery store I forgot if I needed toilet paper or toothpaste.  I bought toilet paper.  Turns out I needed both.  Buying toilet paper is embarrasing.  Everyone uses toilet paper, so it shouldn't be embarrasing, but it still is.  When you buy toilet paper, it's best to buy it when you're purchasing a lot of other groceries because those other items take the focus off of the fact that you're buying it.  Best case scenario is that you buy a relatively small pack of toilet paper with 10-12 other items.  That makes it seem like you take reasonably sized shits.  The opposite end of the spectrum is to buy the largest package of toilet paper you can find in an attempt to save some money with a bulk purchase.  This is what I tend to do, and I always have to make a special trip to the store to buy it, so the toilet paper, very often, is the only item I buy.  When someone sees you in the store buying a 24 roll pack of toilet paper and nothing else, they think you're on your way home to crap all night.  That's what they think.  Don't kid yourself, people are watching, that's what they're thinking, and they're judging you!

But as with all things, there are exceptions to the rule.  If you're going to buy toilet paper and try to dampen the embarrasment by including some other items in your purchase, be careful.  Buying toilet paper alone is embarrassing, but there are items which can make a bad situation worse.  As a general rule, you'll want to stay away from any food that may be considered Mexican.  Beans are a definite no go.  If you're trying to cover up your toilet paper purchase, don't buy coffee, baked beans and sloppy joes.  This is a recipe for disaster and not only will people think you're going home to take a huge dump, whether you know it or not, you probably are!