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HeadGarbage's Mission Statement

This site exists for one sole reason. Some may say it's a waste of time and/or a poor attempt at stupid humor. That's fine. But way too many people are so miserable and I refuse to be one of them. These are things that I think about and I think are funny. These are things that make me laugh. I hope some of it makes you laugh too. Life is way too short to walk around being pissed off all the time. If you can’t laugh at some of the stupid and ridiculous stuff that exists in this world, what’s the point?! I hope the content of this site, which stems from the ridiculousness of the world we're in, can help in some small way to help take the edge off an otherwise stressful life. As a wise man once said,"We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time!" I think that was Gandhi? Live, LAUGH, Love...And enjoy your daily dose of HeadGarbage. Come back often and tell your friends so that HG can grow big and strong!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


The other day I wrote down "TP" on a grocery list, and when I got to the grocery store I forgot if I needed toilet paper or toothpaste.  I bought toilet paper.  Turns out I needed both.  Buying toilet paper is embarrasing.  Everyone uses toilet paper, so it shouldn't be embarrasing, but it still is.  When you buy toilet paper, it's best to buy it when you're purchasing a lot of other groceries because those other items take the focus off of the fact that you're buying it.  Best case scenario is that you buy a relatively small pack of toilet paper with 10-12 other items.  That makes it seem like you take reasonably sized shits.  The opposite end of the spectrum is to buy the largest package of toilet paper you can find in an attempt to save some money with a bulk purchase.  This is what I tend to do, and I always have to make a special trip to the store to buy it, so the toilet paper, very often, is the only item I buy.  When someone sees you in the store buying a 24 roll pack of toilet paper and nothing else, they think you're on your way home to crap all night.  That's what they think.  Don't kid yourself, people are watching, that's what they're thinking, and they're judging you!

But as with all things, there are exceptions to the rule.  If you're going to buy toilet paper and try to dampen the embarrasment by including some other items in your purchase, be careful.  Buying toilet paper alone is embarrassing, but there are items which can make a bad situation worse.  As a general rule, you'll want to stay away from any food that may be considered Mexican.  Beans are a definite no go.  If you're trying to cover up your toilet paper purchase, don't buy coffee, baked beans and sloppy joes.  This is a recipe for disaster and not only will people think you're going home to take a huge dump, whether you know it or not, you probably are!

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