*THE TRUTH
Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I think of something I need to do. So when I get out, sometimes I try to do that thing right away before I put my clothes on. The only problem with this process is that there is a chance that in those moments careless unexpected tragedy could strike and I could die. Then there would be questions. Not so much questions of how I died or why, but why was I naked? More than likely there would be some coincidental evidence of an animal's presence in my apartment, possibly some hair. Don't worry how it got there. Then the media would report in a non-accusational manner that I may in some way have been involved in an underground bestiality ring when in reality the evening before I had had a romantic evening with a young lady, and hired a violinist to serenade us while we dined. During the evening, the musician's passionate playing caused his bow to shred, leaving behind some horse hairs from said bow. Then, with my family unable to prove the media incorrect, and no one to dispel the lies of my activities, my family, not wanting to lie, but in an attempt to maintain some dignity would have engraved on my tombstone: "Our Beloved Son. Apparently he loved animals".
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